The Completely True Story of Gaara Sabaku's Tattoo
by Bgirlabby
Summary: You're about to learn Gaara's deepest secret, one not even known to his siblings. ENTER: THE COMPLETELY TRUE STORY OF GAARA SABAKU'S TATTOO!


**Well, here's my first fanfic ever! I finally decided I've been hiding in the shadows long enough. So I hope you enjoy!**

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Have you ever wondered where Gaara REALLY got that symbol on his forehead? Well, of course you think he carved it into himself after Yashamaru betrayed him.

WRONG!

Let's see how it really happened.

It all started on a normal day in Suna. Temari was in her bedroom discovering Sandcest online, and Kankuro was in his room discovering ShikaTema online (which completely confirmed his suspicions), and Gaara was playing in his sandbox.

It had been about a week since Temari allowed him to get a sandbox in his room. She just didn't see how much it meant to him. "Gaara, there's sand everywhere!" she had objected. "We live in the desert!" He had shrugged off her impractical words and demanded that he get a sandbox or Shukaku would not be pleased. At the same time he gave Temari an extremely creepy serial killer look.

"Alright, I'll let you get a sandbox!"

So now he sat in his sandbox, pondering life's greatest mysteries. Like why couldn't everybody be a pony? He would definitely be Rainbow Dash. And why can't GaaraxMatsuri be canon? And most importantly, why don't purple, winged hippos exist? Gaara sighed sadly. Things just weren't going his way today. Or ever, really.

"Shukaku," he complained.

"What?" the one-tails asked, sounding annoyed. "I was trying to sleep."

_How come you can sleep and I can't?_ Gaara thought. "I'm bored," he announced to Shukaku. The beast didn't seem to care. "Go Infiltrate the Akatsuki Super Secret Base and get yourself killed. Gaara sighed again. "First of all, you won't let my die, and second-"

"Second, how do you know about our Super Secret Base? It's a secret," a voice said. Gaara turned and saw Sasori standing behind him. "You look like me," he stated blankly. Sasori looked alarmed. "No, no, NO! I'm a puppet! You're a Jinchuriki! WE ARE NOT THE SAME!" Gaara looked confused. "It is the same. We are the same."

Sasori screamed in agony and disappeared in poof of smoke. Gaara still looked completely lost. "Um...what was that all about? He seemed pretty upset. "You tend to upset people," Shukaku commented. Gaara put a finger on his chin. "I suppose. But they tend to upset me first."

"It doesn't matter who started it, Gaara. You should always be nice to people, no matter what they do to you."

Gaara sweatdropped. "Uh, you're starting to sound more like a parent teaching their kid manners than a crazy demon...it's freaking me out." Shukaku sighed. "I really don't care," it said, sounding disappointed.

Everything was quiet for a while, except for the occasional sound of Temari puking. Eventually, Gaara had another question. "Shukaku, can I get a tattoo?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because."

"Why?

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!"

"Why?"

"**SHUT UP**!"

"Why?"

"AAHHHHHHHHH FINE YOU CAN GET A TATTOO!"

"Why- I mean thanks!"

So Gaara skipped out of the house, jumped onto his tricycle, and pedaled off to the tattoo and piercings shop. Unfortunately he had to wait in line behind all six Pains, who were all getting new piercings. _How do they fit so much on their face?_ Gaara wondered. Finally it was his turn. "I want a cool tattoo on my forehead!" he told the guy at the counter, a shirtless man with a huge crooked beard and dark glasses. Something about him seemed familiar.

Gaara shrugged it off. He didn't find it strange that the man kept adjusting his beard (not to mention pieces kept falling out of its), nor did he find it strange that he spoke in the weirdest, most high-pitched voice he had ever heard. "What kind of tattoo do you want?" the strange man asked, strapping Gaara to a chair that closely resembled a torture device. Gaara shrugged. "How about the word 'Hate'? 'Cause I hate everybody."

"Okay!" the man said excitedly. "But I'm gonna have to knock you out!" Gaara nodded bravely as the man plunged a needle into his arm. As soon as he was asleep, the man ripped off the beard, revealing...

**DUN **

**DUN**

**DUN**

Hidan! He laughed maliciously and said in a normal voice, I'm gonna do the exact opposite of what he wants!" Cackling evilly, he pulled out his scythe and carved the symbol for "Love" into Gaara's skin. "Perfect!" he exclaimed, stepping back to admire his work. Hidan then unstrapped Gaara and threw him out the window onto the sidewalk. He brushed his hands off and put the beard back on.

Let's just say Gaara was NOT pleased when he woke up.

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**So...how was it? I know I'm not the best at writing humor/crack, so flames are accepted! Please R and R!**

**-Bgirlabby**


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